The Freedom of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of those words that can stir something deep within us. Some of us might even roll our eyes at the mention of it—and that’s okay. The moment we hear the word forgiveness, our minds often go straight to the deepest wounds we've ever experienced. And truthfully, there are moments when we're just not ready—or willing—to go there.

But what if forgiveness is less about them and more about us? What if forgiveness is not an unfair gift to the person who hurt us, but rather, God’s provision for our healing?

The Struggle is Real

Life has a way of bringing hurt to the surface when we least expect it. Just when we think we’ve moved past one wound, another pops up. And then another. And another.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if life came neatly packaged in a perfect bow—where people never hurt our feelings and everything lined up just right? But that’s not reality. The truth is, we’ve either just been hurt, are in the middle of being hurt, or will be hurt again. That’s life. And forgiveness? It’s an ongoing process, not a one-time event.

Forgiveness as a Command, Not a Choice

We can spend a long time studying what the Bible says about forgiveness, searching for a loophole—some justification that would allow us to hold on to bitterness. Surely, God doesn’t expect us to forgive everyone, right?

But the truth is, forgiveness isn’t optional. It’s an absolute command from God.

Here’s the comfort, though—reconciliation is not always required. God does not ask us to put ourselves back into a situation where someone continually abuses or mistreats us. Forgiveness is not permission for them to keep hurting us. It’s not about pretending the pain never happened. Instead, it’s about choosing not to let their actions control our lives any longer.

The Struggle to Forgive

We all know what it feels like to pour our hearts into something, only to see it fall apart again and again. We invest time, trust, and hope, only to be met with disappointment, betrayal, or deep hurt. We pray. We try to forgive. And then, the pain resurfaces—again and again—leaving us wondering if healing is even possible.

If you've ever experienced this, you know the feeling. That deep, aching pain. That “why did this happen to me?” moment. And then, just when we least expect it, we hear a message about forgiveness—when all we really wanted was validation for our hurt.

The Weight of Unforgiveness

Unforgiveness is like carrying a heavy load—one that grows heavier with time. Every past hurt, betrayal, or injustice adds to the weight, making it harder to move forward. The mind replays the pain, searching for closure that never seems to come.

There’s often an expectation that healing will only come when the person responsible acknowledges the hurt, apologizes, or makes things right. But what if that never happens? Holding on to unforgiveness only prolongs the suffering, giving power to the very thing that caused the pain in the first place.

True healing begins when the weight of resentment is no longer carried. Letting go doesn’t mean the pain never mattered—it means it no longer has control.

Forgiveness is for You

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what happened was okay. But it also doesn’t mean you can’t still process and heal. And it certainly doesn’t mean you’ll never feel the weight of that pain again. But forgiveness is a choice to stop suffering because of what someone else has done to you. Forgiveness is making the decision that the ones who hurt you no longer get to limit you, label you, or project their brokenness onto you.

Because here’s the thing—unhealed people hurt people. They may not necessarily be bad people, but they are broken people. And when people carry deep wounds, they often project their pain onto others. But their brokenness does not define you.

The Truth About Triggers

Even after forgiveness has been given, triggers will still come. One moment everything seems fine, and the next, something stirs a memory, bringing the pain rushing back like a tidal wave.

This can create doubt—If forgiveness was real, why does it still hurt? But forgiveness and healing are not the same. Forgiveness acknowledges what happened; healing is the process of recovering from its impact.

Trauma can be understood in two parts:

• The Fact – What happened.

• The Impact – What it cost.

It is possible to forgive the fact of what someone did and still need time to heal from its effects. When triggers arise, they are not signs of failure but reminders that healing is ongoing. God uses these moments not to reopen wounds, but to reveal where deeper restoration is still needed. One of the hardest struggles in forgiveness is the feeling that the person who caused harm is getting away with it. The desire for justice can be overwhelming, making it difficult to let go. But Scripture reminds us:

"Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord." (Romans 12:19)

God sees all and will bring justice in His perfect way and timing. Releasing our grip on revenge allows room for Him to work, knowing His justice far surpasses anything we could attempt on our own. Unlike us, God operates with perfect wisdom, understanding every detail—even in the most complex situations—while we see only in part. Trusting His judgment frees us from the burden of trying to make things right ourselves.

Choosing Freedom Over Bitterness

Most importantly, forgiveness is not just a suggestion—it is a command from God. In The Lord’s Prayer, Jesus teaches, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). This is the only part of the prayer where He immediately adds further instruction: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15).

Forgiveness isn’t optional—it’s a step of obedience. And though it’s not always easy, every move toward forgiveness draws us closer to peace and God’s grace. Jesus made it clear: He can only forgive us if we’re willing to forgive others. When we withhold forgiveness, our hearts fall out of sync with His. Unforgiveness builds quiet walls—breeding bitterness, heaviness, and distance from the One who longs to be close.

So let today be the moment you begin. Maybe not with a bold declaration, but with a single step. A whispered prayer. A quiet surrender. The best time to forgive is before the hurt takes root. The second-best time? Right now.